Gas station alert: The Sunoco in Lincoln Place was at $2.959 as of last night. Ye gods and little fishes.
How high's the gas price, mama?
It's two-ninety-five and risin'.
How high's the gas price, papa?
She says it's two-ninety-five and risin'.
Well, our SUV is down to fumes,
Can't buy the fuel that it consumes,
The malls are silent as the tombs,
Two-ninety-five and risin'.
How high's the gas price, mama?
It's three bucks high and risin'.
How high's the gas price, papa?
She says it's three bucks high and risin'.
No vacation this year, 'cause we can't fly,
Now our other car is runnin' dry,
We'll just sit an' watch the world go by,
Three bucks high and risin'.
How high's the gas price, mama?
It's three-fifteen and risin'.
How high's the gas price, papa?
She says, three-fifteen and risin'.
I'd buy a bike, but I'm too poor,
To take a trip to the Wal-Mart store,
And the bill collectors are at my door,
It's three-fifteen and risin'.
How high's the gas price, mama?
It's three-thirty-two and risin'.
How high's the gas price, papa?
She says it's three-thirty-two and risin'.
Now grocery prices are out of sight,
'Cause rubber and plastic supplies are tight,
If you think this is bad, just hold tight,
It's three-thirty-two and risin'.
How high's the gas price, mama?
It's three-forty-five and risin'.
How high's the gas price, papa?
She says it's three-forty-five and risin'.
Can't go to work 'cause I got no car,
Depression don't seem very far,
And our President ain't no F.D.R.,
And it's three-forty-five and risin'.
Well, it's three-forty-five and risin'.
Thank you! Thank you! Groupies always welcome!
...
News flash: Despite the fact that a "property tax reform" (I use the term loosely) bill is being delayed while the state House and Senate thumb-wrestle, "Fast Eddie" Rendell tells KDKA Radio he expects it to be complete within two weeks.
Coincidentally, the state primary elections are on May 16. What are the odds, you think?
And asks Alert Reader Jonathan: What are the odds that the bill will primarily benefit older Pennsylvanians? You know, the ones most likely to vote?
In fact, I expect it to come with a rider obligating the Commonwealth to provide a free cable TV channel showing nothing but "Matlock," "Wheel of Fortune" and state lottery results.
With the state primary election fast approaching, you're asking, "Gee, I'd like to vote, but I don't remember which of our local state legislators voted for that huge pay raise. Could you help me out, Mr. Almanac person?"
That's a good question, hypothetical straw man I just introduced to make a point. Here's a reminder of which of your state representatives thought they deserved a minimum of $81,000 per year --- more than many engineers, scientists and doctors.
And just remember: They work, on average, 77 days per year.
Voting "yes":
Paul Costa, Democrat, Wilkins Twp.; Pete Daley, Democrat, Coal Center; Joe Markosek, Democrat, Monroeville; Ken Ruffing, Democrat, West Mifflin
Voting "no":
Jim Casorio, Democrat, Irwin; Marc Gergely, Democrat, White Oak; David Levdansky, Democrat, Elizabeth; Harry Readshaw, Democrat, Carrick
Did not vote:
Ted Harhai, Democrat, Monessen.
...
By the way: I see from George Matta's signs that he's running as an "independent voice" for the Mon Valley. (Matta is opposing Gergely for the Democratic nomination in the district that includes parts of Our Fair City, White Oak, Duquesne and Munhall.)
No offense to Mr. Matta, but as far as I'm aware, he's been involved in party politics for at least 15 years. He's the endorsed Democrat. He's the former mayor of Duquesne and the current Allegheny County Clerk of Courts (a longtime bastion of Democratic patronage). And I say that as a registered Democrat.
George Matta running as an "independent voice" is like Colonel Sanders being called a "vegetarian" because he sometimes ate corn.
Also, there's a Matta billboard near UPMC McKeesport Hospital that Matta is slapping Gergely for taking the pay raise even though he didn't vote for it. Well, it's a fair cop, guv'nor.
The "leadership" of the state General Assembly was brilliant in ramming that pay raise through. They handed every single person who wanted to run for the Legislature a perfect club with which to beat the incumbents over the head.
It might have been the smartest political move since Napoleon Bonaparte said, "Gee, it doesn't get that cold in Russia, does it?"
...
A quick check of the Mon-Yough Gas Gauge indicates that since March 4, the average price of regular unleaded gasoline around Our Fair City is up 54.2 cents per gallon.
That should come as a surprise to absolutely no one who drives a car or lives near a gas station, of course, but even still, it's kind of startling that in a little more than a month, it's jumped more than 50 cents.
Actually, it's jumped more than that. I've been trying to update it each Saturday, but at least two gas stations I pass each day have raised their prices twice this week. One was selling 87 octane gas at $2.799 on Saturday, but it's up to $2.899 as of this morning: It jumped six cents on Monday and four more cents either last night or this morning.
I don't really have time to make a survey more often, but if you want to report prices, feel free to visit the Gas Gauge and leave your observations in the "comments" section. (Don't feel bad if you don't know the name of the station, just describe it as best you can: "BP near Century III Mall," for instance.)
Also, I realize that the Mon-Yough Gas Gauge is not a scientific survey --- among other things, I don't survey the same stations each week, I pick them depending on where I have to travel Saturday --- but I suspect it's a reasonable guess.
...
Incidentally, there is no truth to the rumor that our mascot, the Tube City Tiger (does he have a name?), was so enraged by the cost of filling up his car (I think it's a GTO) that he mauled an attendant at an Exxon station.
First of all, it was a BP station, and second, it wasn't a "mauling." He just took a taste. ("Like chicken," he says.)
Did you file your state income taxes online? Holy cow, it's painless. I know the state gets a lot of grief (and rightfully so) for a lot of things, but filing your PA-40 form online isn't one of them.
I was skeptical that this supposed "advance" was really an improvement, but I'm not after this weekend. It could only be easier if they actually sent a state employee to your house to move your fingers on the keyboard --- and don't think that some state employee union isn't working on that idea. Not only do they fill out the form for you, they automatically do all of the math.
Emboldened, I decided that instead of sending in my paper form, I'd use the IRS's website. Surely if the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania's online service was good, then the federal government's version must be 50 times better, right? Possibly accompanied by pleasant music and photos of puppies and kittens cavorting in a field under a rainbow.
Ha ha ha ha! Fat chance, or as they say in Latin, nullo modo.
I went to the IRS website, only to find that you have to pick from a list of private third-party providers, all of whom have names like "FREE-BIG-BUCK$-$SAVE-MONEY-ONLINE.COM."
Now, I don't know much about personal finance, but I remember what my grandpa once said: "Try not to give your social security number and personal information to companies that sound like they should be selling black-market Viagra via bulk email."
So I took my chances with the paper forms, which was a little bit risky, since I took an itemized deduction this year for the first time, which required me a few weeks ago to round up a year's worth of check stubs from in my desk, in the trunk of the car, under the couch cushions, in the freezer compartment of the refrigerator, etc. I was very conservative in my deductions, but I still live in mortal fear of the IRS. (Which, of course, is exactly what they want, right?)
And maybe I have reason to be scared. In checking my math, I realized that I had made several stupid errors --- I have this bad tendency, when adding a column of numbers, to suddenly subtract one instead, or vice versa. The medical term for this neurological condition is called "being a twit."
I went from a $2.88 refund to owing the government $13.12. I was afraid that if I checked my math a third time, things might get even worse, so I quit while I was ahead and sent the form.
Finally, of course, there's the Borough of North Bittyburg's tax forms, which were discussed in nauseating length at the Almanac last year.
Anyway, if you're still sweating out your taxes today, you have my sympathy. And just think ... in less than eight months, you get the chance to start the process all over again!
If that doesn't make you want to tie a copy of the federal tax code around your neck and leap off the Mansfield Bridge, I don't know what will.
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