Category: Commentary/Editorial, Hardscrabble Mon Valley Watch || By

Well, another presidential election year must be upon us, because a national reporter has come to Our Fair City to develop a local angle on the candidates. I know this, because I talked to her, and put her in touch with a couple of local officials.

She was very nice (no, I'm not going to say who it was, or for which outlet she works), and I suspect it will be a thoughtful story.

But regular readers of Tube City Almanac (those who drink a lot of prune juice) may remember that back in 2008, political reporters descended on the Pittsburgh area, looking for swing voters and dredging up a lot of Rust Belt cliches in the process.

So I began tracking national media coverage of the Mon Valley --- especially coverage that focused on mill-town stereotypes --- and called it the Hardscrabble Mon Valley Watch.

Well, it's time to resurrect it. I've also created a Hardscrabble Mon Valley Watch Drinking Game. It's lots of fun for ages 21 to 80, and for blood-alcohol levels from 0.08 and up! Read along for official rules, and about our new award for political journalism.

. . .

When the national media comes to the Mon Valley during an election year, they're not looking for signs that hard-working Americans are trying to rebuild after de-industrialization.

Do they come to McKeesport to tour its recently revitalized U.S. Steel pipe mill? Its teaching hospital? Its Penn State campus? Its rose garden? Students at McKeesport Area High School building robots?

No, they want to hit the same tired cliches, over and over again: The abandoned steel mills, the boarded-up storefronts, the "proud yet struggling" downtrodden unemployed people, etc., etc.

. . .

Sometimes, like the Washington Post's Dana Milbank, who did an absolute hatchet job on McKeesport in April 2008, they want to find the most ignorant yokels possible and make fun of them to prove their points, or just to score some cheap laughs.

Milbank is a reliable repeater of conventional wisdom who fancies himself a Washington beltway "wit." For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he singled out McKeesport for abuse.

Then I learned that in the 1980s, Milbank covered McKeesport city politics for the Pittsburgh Press. He must have gotten a parking ticket on Fifth Avenue or maybe he got a hot dog at Sam's, and it was cold.

. . .

In honor of Milbank, Tube City Almanac this year will award our first-ever Milbank-Littwin Award for Parachute Journalism in Southwestern Pennsylvania to the reporter who comes to the Pittsburgh area and best captures the spirit of lazy, drive-by political reporting.

It's named in honor of both the Washington Post's McKeesport Bureau Chief and Mike Littwin of the Denver Post, who while working for the former Rocky Mountain News, ripped off the Hardscrabble Mon Valley Watch and then attributed it to the Post-Gazette ... demonstrating quite effectively how parachute journalism works.

We will present the award in November to the reporter whose story --- print, web, TV or radio --- is judged the laziest and most cliche-ridden, as chosen through completely biased and unscientific methods by yours truly.

Please send your nominations to tubecitytiger@gmail.com. The plaque has not yet been designed, but I'm thinking it will consist of a broad brush set in a cluster of bull flop.

Also, please submit your favorite sightings of a politician or media figure using the Mon Valley to prove some hackneyed point. If your submission is ultimately chosen for the Milbank-Littwin Award, you will receive a Tube City Almanac T-shirt. (Second prize is two T-shirts, third prize is three T-shirts, etc.)

. . .

Here's the Hardscrabble Mon Valley Watch Drinking Game. Remember, you must be of legal drinking age to play, and you assume all responsibility if you become injured or seriously ill. Tube City Community Media Inc. is not responsible for any temporary blindness or high blood pressure caused by reading political websites.

These rules only apply to stories about national politics.

• If a reporter mentions about Iron City Beer, french-fries on a sandwich, or pierogies, take a drink. If they say "chipped ham" or "Isaly's," take two drinks.


• If a reporter writes about "Big Ben" or any member of the Steelers, take a drink. If they mention the "Steel Curtain," take two drinks. If they purposely mispronounce or misspell the word as "Stillers" or show people waving Terrible Towels, take three drinks.


• In fact, if a reporter attempts to explain Pittsburghese, take a drink. If they misspell "yinz" or misuse any "Pittsburghese" word, take two drinks.


• If a reporter uses stock footage or photos of Pittsburgh from the 1940s, showing smoke-filled skies, take a drink. If they show a ladle pouring steel or use the phrase "hell with the lid off," take two drinks. If the stock footage dissolves into modern footage of a scientist, doctor or robot, take three drinks.


• If a reporter mentions or poses in front of the smokestacks at The Waterfront in West Homestead, take a drink. If they show U.S. Steel Edgar Thomson Works, take two drinks. If they show an abandoned mill (such as McKeesport's Fort Pitt Steel Casting), take three drinks.


• If a reporter quotes Terry Madonna, take a drink. If they interview Bill Green or Cyril Wecht, take two drinks. If the reporter mentions "the creative class" or the late Randy Pausch or Andy Warhol, take three drinks.


• If the reporter uses the word "hardscrabble," chug the bottle.

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