Category: default || By jt3y

It's raining.

It will be raining tomorrow, too.

The rain will fall vertically, from the sky to the ground, in that direction, and will be followed by wet basements, puddles on the sidewalks, drowned worms, and soggy socks.

That's all you need to know about the forecast, but it hasn't stopped the TV weather fear-mongers from working themselves into a fine, white froth.

This is not to make light of people who are keeping a "weather eye" (ha! ha!) on the Mon and the Yough. I'm hoping that the water doesn't reach the Palisades or do any damage to the Marina, and I'm hoping that no one living in Our Fair City or the suburbs gets hurt, or loses any of their belongings.

I have a longer rant on this topic, but you'll have to wait until it shows up at Pittsburgh Radio & TV Online.

But in short, it's fairly obvious that Pittsburgh's local TV weather yakkers have nothing to report on when it's not snowing. As a consequence, they over-hype every single weather event of even marginal importance.

I sometimes worry about what will happen when we really are due for severe weather: Will people believe them?

Want some real, clear-headed weather information, that you pay for? Visit the National Weather Service's local forecast page.

...

If you're mad enough at the local weathercasters, I suppose you could do what James C. Johnson of Youngstown did, although I don't recommend it: He climbed the WYTV-TV tower and unplugged the station's Doppler weather radar, according to The Vindicator.

In this case, Johnson wasn't aggravated by the forecasts; he was angry that the mayor wouldn't talk to him about his campaign to get former U.S. Rep. Jim "Cap'n Hairdo" Traficant pardoned.

Once atop the tower, he unfurled a banner reading, "Pardon Traficant."

Johnson apparently planned to stay up there for quite a while. The Vindy reports that when arrested, he had a flashlight, electrical tape, compact discs, a CD player with headphones, and cigarettes.

But there's no mention of any ... um ... facilities. Maybe he figured he was going to let the chips fall where they may, as it were.

Good thing the cops got him, because it could have gotten messy in the Channel 33 parking lot.

....

(Warning: Tiresome political screed follows. Skip to the end for some geek humor.)

From the Tube City Almanac National Affairs Desk comes coverage of this speech by the Vice President of Bizarro World:

Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday warned Americans about voting for Democratic Sen. John Kerry, saying that if the nation makes the wrong choice on Election Day it faces the threat of another terrorist attack. ...

"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States," Cheney told about 350 supporters at a town-hall meeting in this Iowa city. ...

Hours before Cheney spoke, the Congressional Budget Office said this year's federal deficit will hit a record $422 billion. Cheney, in praising Bush's tax cuts, noted that the CBO said this year's projected deficit will be smaller than analysts had expected.

He has to be the Vice President of Bizarro World, because what he's saying here contradicts all evident logic. (I thought that perhaps it was just the Evil Dick Cheney from the Star Trek "Mirror, Mirror" universe, but he didn't have a beard, and besides, I couldn't think of anyone who was much scarier than the real Dick Cheney.)

First, Bizarro Vice President says that if we elect Kerry, the terrorists will launch a "devastating" attack. That assumes that Arab terrorists really care who we elect, when according to the President, they hate us because of "our freedoms and our way of life." It shouldn't matter who the President is, by that logic. Besides, when terrorists attacked the World Trade Center the first time, Clinton was President, and he was hardly unfriendly to the Palestinians.

But let's take Bizarro Vice President's argument at face value: Al Qaeda really does care who the President is. So, who would they be more likely to attack? A new President Kerry? Or a President who had just invaded and occupied two Muslim countries, including one that was a theocracy?

Second, the deficit spin is just a howler. The deficit is the largest in history, but it's smaller than the predictions, so that's good! Hell, we're practically making money! Drinks are on me!

I guess we should be lucky that Cheney isn't a podiatrist: "Well, Mr. Jones, I have excellent news. I have to amputate both of your legs."

"What? How is that excellent news? I came in with an infected toenail!"

"Yes, but I was going to amputate your arm, and I think I can save it!"

I guess I'd have a lot more respect for Kerry if he'd just step up to the plate and bat some of these fat pitches out of the park. Any chimp in a clown suit ought to be able to refute these arguments --- after all, I just did.

If Kerry isn't going to stand up for himself and fight, why should he expect anyone else to fight for him?

...

Alert Reader Jonathan reports that President Bush's campaign advisers are now trying to back out of the scheduled debates with Kerry. According to UPI, the debate that Republicans want to cancel is scheduled for Oct. 8 in Missouri.

Says UPI: "A presidential adviser who asked not to be named said campaign officials were concerned people could pose as undecided when they actually are partisans."

Or, they might be Martians! Or blood-sucking monkeys from West Mifflin, Pennsylvania!

Please. As excuses go, that ranks up there with "the dog ate my homework" and "the intelligence estimates were faulty."

Actually, I hear that Bush will only debate Kerry if it's behind closed doors. Also, he wants Cheney with him.

...

The British Navy is installing Windows-based software to control combat software on its vessels, according to The Register:

Vanguard class boats carry the UK's Trident thermonuclear intercontinental ballistic missiles ... Whereas most previous naval deployments of Microsoft Windows worldwide have been overhyped, and have dealt largely with non mission-critical, non-lethal installations, AMS really is committing the Royal Navy to Windows-based command, control and combat management systems.

I wouldn't trust Windows to organize my baseball card collection, much less run a naval vessel. How'd you like to be the sailor that gets this message during a battle: "We're sorry, your aft guns have performed an illegal operation and will be shut down."

Talk about your blue screens of death. (Tip of the hardhat for the link, by the way, to Daily Rotten.)