Category: default || By jt3y

Why are you reading this? There's a snowstorm a-comin'! The blizzard of ought-five! The kind of snowstorm that people will be talking about ... well, until the next snowstorm! You should be out buying toilet paper and bread!

By the way, I'm not sure why everyone in the Mon Valley buys toilet paper and bread during snowstorms. Unless they like to sit by a crackling fire, watch the snowfall and eat Town Talk and Charmin. Or maybe the fear of a snowstorm causes their bowels to loosen. In which case, just what the heck are they doing with the bread?

Since I was busy this weekend battening down hatches in preparation for this historic weather event, I'll turn the remainder of today's Almanac over to the author of the truly remarkable spam email I received over the weekend. Here it is, verbatim:

When the Sakala Brothers duet of Moses and Levy penned their hit song Sandra which spoke of a woman who became an instant millionaire after 'sweet-hearting' dogs, Chawama bizarre rumour mongers had their own humourous way of condemning the inhuman behaviour which was the main talking point at the beginning of this millennium. A 2002 report by the West Virginia Nursing Shortage Study Commission predicted that the region would need an additional 448 nurses by 2008. The report also said the region lacked a way to track how many nursing students were "in the pipeline" to meet the projected need. Stephen has said that, unless his agency changes the way it does business, taxpayers will no longer be able to shoulder the spiraling costs of caring for New Hampshire's most needy residents. The goal of GraniteCare is to reduce nursing home admissions by shifting to home-based care when clinically appropriate. Todd Roberts, a partner in the Redwood City office of Ropers Majeski Kohn Bentley, which is representing the Gorilla Foundation, told the paper his firm was still reviewing the suit. There is a township in Zambia that would produce many mystery writers in the world of stranger-than-fiction, it is Lusaka's Chawama township where residents have a very subtle way of adding their voice to the various issues affecting them. Haverty's is a full-service home furnishings retailer with 118 showrooms in 16 southern, central and south Atlantic states providing its customers with a wide selection of quality merchandise in middle- to upper-middle price ranges. But geez, if we spend too much time on that we won't have a chance to mull over, as Marv Albert used to say, the 'wild and wacky.' Therein lies the real story of this day.

Is that all perfectly clear to you? Good.

I'm not sure, but I think the computer that spit that out was possessed by the spirit of Hunter Thompson.

And I have no idea what they were selling, by the way, but I want some of whatever they're smoking.

...

Funny cartoon here, but you've got to have Macromedia Flash Player installed on your computer. It's by Jim McNeill, and it's called "Lap Dance," and no, it's not what you think, you sick monkeys. Cat owners will appreciate it, however. (Tip of the Tube City hard hat to the newsgroup rec.arts.comics.strips.)