Category: default || By jt3y

Peter Leo writes in the Post-Gazette about wacky police reports. I've spent a fair amount of time around police officers (and a few times, I wasn't even in custody), and contrary to popular belief, they are human, and many of them have wicked senses of humor. From what I've seen, you have to develop one to do that job without losing your mind.

In fact, you find the same types of personalities among cops, in my experience, that you find in just about any profession: There are some real great people, some crumbs, and a lot of us that have our good days and our bad days.

When I was a beat reporter, I got along well with practically all of the cops I dealt with on a regular basis ... which was tricky at times, since one of the departments was under federal investigation.

There are ethical boundaries that have to be respected, to be sure, and I knew more than one police reporter who didn't know where they were. One was on the police softball team and would hang out with them after work. Another would frequently take privileges extended to cops, like parking in their parking spaces. These may seem like little things, but I tended to think they blurred the lines between "friendly professional acquaintance" and "going native."

On the other hand, there was no excuse, in my opinion, for not being courteous and friendly. Some of the reporters I worked with were astonished that I would shoot the breeze with police dispatchers and desk sergeants even when they didn't have any newsworthy information to tell me.

"Who were you talking to for all that time?" someone would say when I'd get off the phone.

"Sgt. Jones up at the barracks," I'd say. "His daughter just got into Penn State."

"How can you talk to those cops like that?" they'd ask.

"I don't know, I put up with you," I'd reply.

This attitude problem could explain my exit from the newspaper business.

Anyway, my point (and I do have one) is that behind the wheel of that black and white Crown Victoria, wearing the mirrored shades, may be a guy or gal who's worrying about making the mortgage payment this month, nursing a sore back, wondering why the Pirates stink so badly again this year, and hoping they get home in time to watch "The Simpsons."

Or, they could just be a jerk. But don't assume that.

. . .

When I was at the Daily News, Jeff Vavro compiled a package about wacky police reports, "and I helped," with a few choice selections from my archives.

One of my favorites came from Troop A state police in Greensburg ... I still have it somewhere:

Found Property: Assorted marital-type aids discovered along SR xxxx, xxx township. Owner may contact PSP Greensburg.

. . .

Another was from state police Troop B, Washington. It described how a suspect had swallowed a large amount of suspected drugs in balloons, so troopers took him to Washington Hospital and had a strong laxative administered.

The report concluded something like this:

The suspected narcotics were recovered by state police and transported for analysis. The suspect was arraigned and remanded to Washington County Jail in lieu of bond. PSP Washington would like to remind residents that it always gets its man in the end.

When I read that report, I laughed so hard, to quote my friend, the late Larry Slaugh, I thought my pants would never dry.

. . .

In other business, people who live in 11th Ward and Versailles Borough will have to go someplace else for overpriced lunchmeat sandwiches: The Arby's on Walnut Street has closed.

Inside most Arby's, there's a bell that customers can ring if they've had good service. My buddy Dan says the one in that store is probably in mint condition.