Tube City Almanac

July 12, 2007

Don't Take It To The Bank

Category: default || By jt3y

A friend of mine insists on carrying nothing but $50 bills. He thinks he's Rich Uncle Pennybags.

Naturally, when he reimbursed me for some expenses from our recent trip to Dayton, I wound up with two $50 bills, which no one wants to accept in payment. And I'm absent-minded; losing a $5 bill is one thing, but losing a $50 is quite another.

So on my lunch break one day this week, I went across the street to a branch of a Monroeville-based institution that I will refer to as "Farkbail Stank." "Could I have this changed to something smaller, please?" I asked.

"We don't make change for people who don't have accounts," he said. "It's our policy."

"You've got to be kidding me," I said.

"Would you like to open an account here?" he asked.

"Maybe," I said, "if you make change I'll think about it. Otherwise, no, never."

I walked out with two $20 bills, one $10 bill, and a cloud of dark, muttered imprecations.

. . .

When did banks decide that their mission is to make life as unpleasant as possible?

When I was a kid during the Reagan administration, it was a treat to go to the office of Union National Bank of Pittsburgh a few blocks from my house. I'd put in my birthday or Christmas money, and they'd stamp my passbook and give me a lollipop. I felt Very Grown Up.

The idea was that the bank would turn me into a loyal customer, and some day, when I was old enough to drive, shave, and go deeply into debt, they'd be able to sell me other products.

The bank office is now a Family Dollar, and I don't know if little kids are still welcome to open passbook savings accounts. There are probably minimum balance requirements that make it prohibitive. Anyway, considering how much time banks spend intimidating adults, I doubt children are welcome.

When a cow-orker or friend has a baby, I buy the child a U.S. Savings Bond. I figure that when the bond matures, the kid will be the right age to want to spend the money on something. For years, this was straightforward, but the last time I tried, one bank (a large New England-based thrift I will call "Shitizens Frank") refused to sell me a bond, because I wasn't a depositor.

That's right: They refused to sell me a United States savings bond.

If these policies are designed to encourage people to become a customer, I'm afraid it had the opposite effect: If "Shitizens" was the last bank on the planet, I'd give my money to a homeless guy.

. . .

Some of these outfits screw you even if you've never heard of them. I got a letter this week from a bank in Florida. It turns out they own a check-clearing service --- if you write a check, their company makes sure you have sufficient money.

The letter informed me "they were recently victimized" by an employee who stole 2.2 million accounts. Mine happens to be among them. While they have "no indication" any fraud has occurred (yet), they suggest I "might" want to change my account numbers and put a fraud alert on my credit reports.

At my expense, of course.

Rest assured, the form letter said, they are "taking steps to make sure we are not victimized again."

If they're the victims, why does my rectum hurt?

. . .

Being a long-time customer of a bank doesn't protect you from pain. When my bank was a savings and loan, most services were free and the tellers were helpful (while in college, I made a dog's breakfast of my checking account --- and I can remember an employee at the Homestead office sitting down with me to straighten out the mess).

Now, everything costs money. It bugged me when they stopped sending back canceled checks, but I was assured I could still order a copy at any time, for free. They recently instituted a $5 "research fee" for each canceled check.

Since the IRS now demands that taxpayers have "proof" of charitable contributions like church offerings, ordering canceled checks gets costly in a hurry --- I know someone who was audited and spent $800 getting copies of canceled checks from the bank.

I also have a line of credit with this bank. It used to be tied to the prime rate, but recently they yanked it up to 12.99 percent APR. That's more than my credit card. When I complained to a loan officer, he suggested I pay off the bank with the credit card.

Or maybe I should pull everything out of that rotten fershlugginer bank, which I will be doing this summer.

. . .

The problem is, where do I go? I've had pleasant dealings over the years with Compass Federal Savings Bank in Wilmerding, and wouldn't hesitate to recommend them. But they only have one office and they don't offer online or telephone banking, so they're not terribly convenient unless you live in North Versailles or "the Valley."

I have several friends in management at large banks. I asked one of them if I should go to his institution. He frankly suggested I would be better off at a credit union.

Like Compass Bank, limited convenience is a problem with most credit unions. (I see that Parkview Community FCU, located over near Renzie Park, has online banking now.) Still, if going to a credit union keeps me from getting smacked around a couple of times a month by one bank or another, I may put up with any inconvenience.

Come to think of it, where did Rich Uncle Pennybags do his banking? He always seems happy.

Maybe I'll look for a bank somewhere between Ventnor Avenue and Marvin Gardens. I just hope they haven't built a hotel there instead.






Your Comments are Welcome!

I read your column about how the “new” banking system is causing you heartburn. I concur and here are my comments you may enjoy reading.

I am a former employee of McKeesport National Bank, a once independent bank headed up by James Taylor. Mr Taylor was a local resident who knew how to treat customers with respect. The bank was staffed by local residents who understood the requests of customers who were most likely neighbors and friends. Bottom line was to treat customers right and business will take care of itself. Under Mr. Taylor’s overview we did that and it worked until US Bankcorp acquired MNB in the early 1980s.

I lament the demise of MNB, the “big” banks have us over the barrel, choosing to levy fees and turn away business that is not profitable.
They just don’t care but we MNB employees did!
Donn Nemchick - July 13, 2007




The bank in Port Vue will be closing soon. I was informed by one of its VPs that if they have to invest one penny at that facility, they’ll close it down first. What kind of appreciation is that for the loyal customers that have been
doing business there (no matter what the name was on the building) ?

By the way, County Councilman Bob Macey took time during his paticipation in the firemen’s parade (as an elected official) to hand out flyers to inform people that his employer (Century III Credit Union) is opening an office at Olympia Shopping Center. ?????????????
terry - July 13, 2007




I was forcibly removed from a bank in Baltimore about ten years ago while on a mission for my boss to acquire five crisp new $100 for some Christmas cards for his neices and nephews.

The first bank I went to, just across the street, did not have enough “crisp new” bills available. I literally watched the guard lock the door (at closing time, it was nothing personal) to the bank a little further down the block as I approached. Getting frustrated, I walked a couple more blocks and entered the now (happily) defunct First Union Bank and had to wait in line for about twenty minutes. After passing on my request, the teller asked if I had an account. I told her no, but what did that matter, I just wanted money changed. He gave me the line about not changing money for non-account holders. At this point, I had had it. I started to raise Cain, and a manager came over and repeated the same tired “company policy” drivel. I started waving my arms around and telling everyone in line how ridiculous this bank was and where their customer service could go.

A guard then hurriedly “escorted” me out.

This was also the same bank who, a couple months earlier, when I tried to cash my paycheck drawn on that particular bank (I needed the cash ASAP and couldn’t wait to deposit it at my own bank), tried to tell me that I needed another form of ID other than my driver’s license, social security card, current bank card, AND my Library of Cong. Reader’s Card (note: this is a gov’t issued ID with a photo) because they couldn’t be sure that I still held an account at the bank upon which the card was drawn.

I hate commercial banks. Local credit unions are the way to go. And even then they suck.
Schultz - July 13, 2007




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