(Mon Valley Miscellany, Pointless Digressions)

The letters you are about to read are true. Only the stamps have been removed to protect the Postal Service.

. . .

Marketing Manager
Century III Mall
West Mifflin, PA 15122

Dear Madam:

You recently wrote a letter to the editor to note that Century III Mall is "lively and well" and that rumors of the mall's demise were exaggerated and untrue.

A few weeks later, the county notified West Mifflin Borough and West Mifflin Area School District that the taxable value of your property had been lowered 41 percent.

If business is so good, why did Century III need to appeal its assessment?

And why do commercial real-estate brokers tell Ron DaParma of the Tribune-Review --- on the record and for attribution --- that Simon Property Group is still circulating marketing materials that offer the mall for sale?

Finally, just how dumb do you think we are?

On second thought, ignore that last one.

Signed,
The Editor

. . .

A--- G----
----- News Agency
Clairton, PA 15025

Dear A----:

My apologies for not writing sooner. I just found out your name this week.

Since Thanksgiving, you have been delivering the morning paper to my house, Monday through Saturday. I never asked for delivery, and unfortunately, these papers are hitting the recycling bin instantly.

Then you started sending bills in the name of the person I bought my house from, three years ago. Your latest bill demands a "past due" balance of $25.98.

I called the Post-Gazette, but they didn't have a record of a subscription in my name.

A----, either someone is playing a joke on us, or someone is trying to commit fraud by charging me for a service I didn't request.

So, should I call the state Bureau of Consumer Protection? Or do you just want to tear up those bills and stop delivering the paper?

Sincerely,
The Editor

. . .

Manager
----- Restaurant
West Mifflin, PA 15122

Dear Sir or Madam:

I ate in your new restaurant several times this month to write a review for my modest website, Tube City Online.

I am happy to report the food was good and the prices were reasonable.

But about the service: A few days ago, I stopped for breakfast with an old friend. The place was packed, which is always a good sign.

One voice could be heard above the din of the crowd. It was a particular waitress who apparently thinks it's "colorful" or "funny" to insult the customers, loudly.

At one point, she came over to tell my friend and I to "shut up."

"You're here to eat, not gab," she said. "Other people need this table. Finish up and get out. Ha! Just kidding."

Yeah, it was hysterical.

Also, I'm no prude, but I saw a number of families with kids there, and their parents were fairly horrified at the vulgar jokes the same waitress was loudly telling.

Anyway, are you sure this woman works for you? I'm worried that someone from Denny's or Eat'n Park is trying to get you closed, and sent a double agent over to sabotage the place.

Sincerely,
The Editor